Tuesday, September 29, 2009

First Post, Which Is Scattered But I've Put Off Starting This Damn Thing for Months

I’ve given myself a lot of eating disorder mythologies over the years. I’m anorexic (except I’ve never been underweight); I’m bulimic (except I only purged a handful of times); I’m orthorexic (for a grand total of the three weeks I spent on a macrobiotic diet); I’m normal (except for the starvation, occasional purging, macrobiotic diets, and ability to down 15,000 calories in a sitting, sure, yes, normal!).

It’s been nearly twenty-five years since I first dabbled in disordered eating. I’m tired of mythology. I have messed-up attitudes toward food and my body, and have binge eating disorder. I decided at the beginning of 2009 that this would be the year I dealt with "all that body stuff." That was a hopeful thought, likely the child of the "do X for a year and blog about it" body of work (say yes to everything! cook Julia Child recipes! go out on a date with everyone who asks!). It’s not something I can lick in a year, even if I’d been as diligent as I planned on January 1. It will be an ongoing project.

And this blog, a chronicle of my experiences and reflections, will be one spoke on the wheel.